When Mamang died, life for me has been very hard. Family decisions have to be communicated to each of my siblings before i release whatever is due from us.
It made me so afraid of what life could bring me, personally. I was scared of each day that would come. I was worried since then.
Maybe that was the true reason why i settled so late. I was tasked to take care of my younger siblings, as Ate Ner needed to stay away from us for a better future, still for the sake of the family. I stood with Ate Ner’s words, comforted with Allan’s arms and never forgot to smile with Yon’s grace. But the truth remains, i was still doubted and weak inside.
Being composed and displaying a happy face…every one says i am indeed strong and embraces life bravely. But the other side of me, i owe a lot from the four corners of my room.
Every stroke of pen on the paper, every slide of a soft comb on my long hair, every bead of the rosary in the morning while traveling…i ask guidance and strength from God! He is my secret weapon, my deep source of hope…my light.
When you have so much to give, sometimes you tend to ask in return. This is where i failed. I have wished so much, in the same way i wished others would be the same. It wasn’t a turning point until i experienced the greatest pain in my life. It was drastic and dark. But i need to survive and keep on moving. Life does not end where you wanted it to stop, but life is a very long journey that no one knows where will it haults.
I gratefully greeted mornings with a smile…no more tears before i sleep. It was a relief since i stayed out from that pain. I am what Papang and Mamang dreamt of.
My friends from high school kept on saying, i am a mirror of my Mamang. Maybe i looked like her during her times. And i did believe them ‘coz even from the hometown of my Mamang, a lot of people said the same. Thank you, Mamang! It’s my privilege to be tapped as such!
Life…life…life…so serious but you need to dance to its music…so unpredictable but you need to be ready…so promising and you need to embrace the gifts it offers. I have never been this worry-free in life…til there was you….THANK YOU! 
//a simple gift of words to you…in celebration of our half-year.
-04august2009
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